Listen with intent. Listen to understand. Ask for clarification. Then speak or act freely.

In 2019, I lived behind the Supreme Court Building at the top of the national mall in Washington, D.C. I was working my first job after grad school at an education startup in Arlington, Virginia. As the only full-time employee at the company, I worked daily from 7am-7pm and was tasked with writing and implementing educational programming for our growing pool of clients.

There are several characters worth mentioning from that point in my life, but one stands out the most. His name was Rex. Rex joined our team as a contracted employee, having worked in the CIA for nearly 50 years prior. From mailroom to senior leadership, Rex was the epitome of a lifer. He worked his way up from an unpaid “internship” – but that’s “not what we called it,” he used to say. His strengths were in connecting with students, sharing his wisdom, and bringing light to those who were graced with his presence and knowledge. Fortunately, I was one of those people.

Rex and I used to meet up on Tuesdays and get in trouble for taking 2-hour, 30-minute lunch breaks each week. We talked about work and we talked about life. Even then I could tell he had really lived and learned so much. I wanted to be like that. I still do.

Over time we discussed things like how his family was and how I wanted mine to be, and we shared stories about the incredible people we had met and so on. As young men tend to do, I asked him questions about his career. As retired men often do, he asked questions about where my career was going.

I don’t remember where he went to college. I am not sure he did. But he made it a point to talk about the impressive, young talent that was hired while he was still at the CIA. “I supervised teams of young people way smarter than me,” he said. He then went on to list schools like Harvard, Stanford, Duke, Georgetown, Princeton, and more. The problem, in Rex’s opinion, was the turnover in his department specifically. New hires would come in from incredible schools. They had several internships and perfect GPA’s. They would work for 3-4 months, mastering their day-to-day tasks as quickly as they aced tests at their top colleges and universities.

One employee in particular was hired and 3-months into her first job, the position above her became available. She applied but Rex did not hire her. He explained that she was doing incredible work and they were lucky to have her on the team. He also explained that the available position required someone with several years of experience. Something about the CIA made experience sound more necessary than other professions. Maybe the movies I have watched made me think about the life and death scenarios that we all think the CIA deals with daily (maybe true, maybe not).

I think Rex was making a point that it is important to work hard but you can’t rush the progression of years in an industry. You can’t rush the chemistry that builds within a team through years of working cases and investigations. Yes, strong work ethic and credentials are a better start than other people, but that leads to opportunities like being the one who gets to stand in an office with Rex and learn from his 50 years of experience. “Out-credentialing” and out working other people gets your ears in that office. Time to listen.

I now listen for a living. I listen to people, books, nature, and my body. Listening is hearing, feeling, and seeing. It is beyond conversation. The more I listen, the more I learn and the more I am capable of response.

When I listen to athletes, I hear their passion and drive. I hear their questions about the best approach for achieving their goals in training and competition. I see the effort behind their hard work. It is not always said but shown. Clenched teeth, heavy sweat; the hard work is obvious without discussion, without words.

When I listen to students, I hear their aspirations and how they think they will reach them. Their dreams feel big but their uncertainty bigger. Like Rex said, they need to spend the time necessary to have the experiences acquired by a true professional. Work ethic and ambition are required and many young people have both and then some. The challenge is finding something that allows you to sustain both consistently for a long time.

When I listen to books I connect with the minds and stories of previous generations. Some truths in life remain constant. Relationships between people require mutual effort and understanding. Young people strive for a bright future. Old people smile from a bright past.

When I listen to nature, I hear my breath. I feel the wind. When I listen to my body, I know when to rest and when to run. The sound of my breath and the feeling of the wind change.

When you listen for a living, you will hear, feel, and see more. Your responses will mature. You will feel more capable and your experiences in life will improve.

With an open mind, you too will meet people like Rex. Even if they worked in the CIA and everything they did was top secret, they will share priceless stories and wisdom that will serve you for a lifetime. Regardless of the name of your school or the title of your job, listen with intent. Regardless of not going to school or not having a job, listen to understand. When you earn an opportunity, ask for clarification when you need it. Then speak or act freely.