Becoming a parent is the most exciting adventure in life. Becoming a successful parent takes on infinite forms. Without evidence of a clear path to such success, a consistent commitment to hard work, reflection, and adjustment is necessary.

Take a moment to think back to your childhood. Think about your family history. What defines the generation that raised you? Who raised your parents?

My parents grew up in the 1960’s and 1970’s, raised by my loving grandparents who grew up during the aftermath of World War I. They were born into the Great Depression and their transition from adolescence to adulthood was shaped by the turmoil of World War II. American journalist, Tom Brokaw, credited those born into this era with an undeniable commitment to their country and popularized the well-known term, The Greatest Generation. It was their “suck it up and move forward” mentality that pushed the United States into the beginning of the prosperity it knows today.

When I think about my family history I get hung up on my experiences with decision making, or my freedom to choose. I was raised to dream big and to pursue my interests. Those decisions were made for my grandparents. There was a lack of self-exploration, something I believe is so important to healthy growth for people and families.

If you have not done so already, I recommend watching or skimming through the YouTube video above. There is a lot to unpack but the overarching theme is creating, promoting, and joining the self-exploration that comes so naturally to children. As parents, we must figure out how to effectively teach, guide, and discipline our kids as they seek new experiences and “science experiments” as mentioned by Neil deGrasse Tyson and others above.

Self-regulation vs. Self-suppression vs. Self-exploration

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and actions under different circumstances and in different environments. I tend to equate it with patience, which can benefit people when working on teams or making difficult choices. Self-regulation allows people to move on from negative outcomes. It is a tool that offers an advantage when dealing with adversity. It is an ongoing skill to develop but an important lesson to pass on to children.

Lastly, I have seen forms of self-regulation that result in taking action. Within its definition, managing an emotion or reaction can often be the redirection of feelings of anger or frustration. A positive utilization of these feelings transforms negativity into motivation. How can you use this in your everyday life?

Self-suppression is holding yourself back or a process of elimination. It might feel helpful to eliminate a thought or expression. It might feel like I need to eliminate my son’s reaction to not getting his favorite snack before dinner. However, instead of suppressing our children’s feelings of frustration, it is important to discuss why they feel a certain way. Accept their intuition. It is okay to feel wronged or to feel anger when told “no”. It takes away their ability to choose. It is important to redirect this reaction and think about why the circumstances exist or play out the way they do. Replace “elimination” with “education”.

Self-exploration is the examination of our children’s capabilities. What can I do physically? Why and how do I think? Where do I fit in my family, my school, my neighborhood? Some of these questions are a bit philosophical but I am constantly impressed by the thoughts and questions of children and try very hard to acknowledge how brilliant young minds can be.

I will end with a story about physical self-exploration. For the sake of reading, I learn best from visuals.