Other people will always surprise you. Not always in frequency, but in their talents, interests, kindness, and life experiences. Credentials and appearance allow for first impressions and levels of understanding just below the surface, but rarely do we get the whole story. As we approach the new year I’d like to emphasize the importance of meeting new people and the importance of taking the time to learn more about them. Ask questions. Be surprised. Learn and grow together.

When seeking out interactions with other people take note of your previous relationship with them. The people we interact with will fall somewhere between “I know this person very well” or “I do not know this person at all”. Sometimes the interactions will be direct, verbal or physical exchanges. Think small talk or driving next to other people in other cars on the road. Some interactions begin with an understanding from both parties that there is a certain endpoint. Interactions with the potential for an extended period of time or multiple exchanges can be more difficult to manage or navigate.

Consider a scenario where two strangers walk into an elevator. There is a set amount of time for interaction. There is also a set amount of space and the stakes are very low for both parties due to the unlikely chance that it happens again. There are cues that tell the two strangers when the window of interaction is over. The ring of the elevator and the sliding of its door indicate a final destination and the end of communication. How do the limitations of time and physical space influence our conversations and exchanges? Is there more learning in these simple, everyday scenarios? How much can we actually learn from conversations in line at the grocery store, on public transportation, or while walking around at a farmers market? As these interactions take place, more and more time is accumulated at the surface level; maybe we can make the most of the time we spend there.

Sometimes it feels awkward to force conversation or continue a conversation when both people get off the elevator on the same floor. Regardless of the outcome, certain emotions dictate how we feel about this type of surface level impression with another person. Other times we might say nothing at all to the other person in the elevator. Are these exchanges valuable? If not, could they be? How can we make the most of a set amount of time when it becomes important (networking, selling, presenting information, spending time with family, etc.)?

As we exit the elevator and get into our car, additional factors contribute to our interactions. During your commute to work or rushing to one of your countless commitments, physical and sometimes verbal exchanges take place. You are now in control of your own car but not someone else’s. You must decide how fast to drive or how loud you honk for both positive and negative reasons. Another driver may cut you off. Following their somewhat aggressive gesture, they then decide there is no rush. They cut you off in a hurry but feel comfortable going 10mph under the speed limit. Have they lost their mind? What kind of person drives like that? Why does 10mph under the speed limit feel like 20?

In these moments we exchange information for better or for worse. Some of us are more skeptical and easily frustrated. Others more patient and understanding. Even without speaking to someone directly, we have discovered that they are probably the biggest a**hole we have ever met and there is no possible way to forgive them. I am joking of course, but in the heat of certain moments, it is easy to jump to conclusions.

Do not get distracted by the simplicity of these examples. The stakes are typically low when using an elevator or commuting to work. The underlying messaging is really around making the most of our time with others and deciding how we will handle situations that are good or bad in that time. Make sure you allow yourself the practice and experience of controlled interactions with constraints like the limited space and time in the elevator. Do the same with free interactions without constraints like driving on the highway. A thin painted line offers guidelines for where to steer your car, but you are still physically capable of directing your course any way you choose. Give yourself the space to explore and master how you handle these situations alone and with other people.

Two ideas to start your Monday right:

1. When we experience good and bad with others, suggest an alternative outcome or interaction to yourself. Before we assume that the reality of the bigger picture mirrors our one impression, consider the circumstances and intentions of ourselves and others.
2. Ask more questions. Actually listen to and ponder the answers!