Monday, October 24, 2022

Emotion is a natural, instinctive state of mind that is typically influenced by external circumstances. Emotion is feeling, and although it is a reaction to the external, it originates internally from our thoughts and interpretations. We may know some things to be true, especially when they are based on logic and fact. But we are constantly surrounded by questions and challenges that make us feel strongly that logic and fact cannot define all of our reality. It easy to lose sight of what we know, of what is important, and how to act accordingly.

In 2019, I accepted an exciting job as an academic advisor for student-athletes at a Division I university. I was excited and nervous, as I had committed to guiding undergraduate students through some of college life’s biggest questions. What should I study? Does it impact my options in the future? How am I supposed to manage what my family expects, while juggling multiple commitments in sports, academics, and my social life?

I was 24 at the time and had similar questions about my life. Did I study the right major? Do I want to work in higher education forever? What do I have to offer these students? Fast forward to now, I am convinced that these questions never disappear, they just change. They often go unanswered but should still be taken seriously. Reflection is important, but too much reflection can stall today’s progress.

My favorite part of the job was instructing a course on the exploration of emotional intelligence and emotionally intelligent leadership. I loved every second. I discussed the ins and outs of team dynamics at practice and in competition and learned just as much, if not more, than the students I taught.

So, on this incredible Monday, I want all of us to consider Daniel Goleman’s 5 key elements of emotional intelligence. They were the backbone of the class I instructed, and they taught me a lot about tackling life’s biggest questions for myself and the students I advised.

1. Self-awareness.

Self-awareness is about the recognition and understanding of your emotion. When you are stressed or confused, pause. What are you feeling and why are you feeling it? In sports, your job, or in relationships you will encounter both private and public embarrassment and triumph. We learn who we really are both when nobody is watching and when thousands are watching. Self-awareness teaches us about our confidence and strength, and our values and morals.

2. Self-regulation.

Once you are aware of your emotions, the next step is to manage them. When you effectively manage the good and bad emotions, you can control good and bad actions. Self-regulation allows you to respect others, avoid outbursts, and stay true to your good intentions and values.

3. Motivation

Element number three: motivation. In my opinion, Goleman could have chosen self-discipline here too. Motivation comes and goes on the path to success, but it is driven by self-discipline. Doing the things we don’t want to do, when we don’t want to do them. But Goleman explains that motivation comes from optimistic resilience. We must stay positive and motivated when things do not go according to plan.

4. Empathy

Empathy expands our ability to work well with others. Good teamwork and accomplishments start with being aware of ourselves in relation to other people and surroundings, but eventually we must also consider the perspective of others. Make sure you pay close attention to what others say and do.

5. Social Skills

Learn to be a “people person”. Learn to work well with others. Learn to be trustworthy. Learn to be a confident communicator. Learn to listen first, talk second. Learn to lead. Learn to inspire. Learn to make others self-aware, self-regulate, and learn to motivate others. Learn to manage conflict.