Whether walking down the street or building a new client base, human beings encounter strangers regularly. The world’s population is growing infinitely. Skyscrapers full of apartments are popping up everywhere. Even some parts of suburbia feel like they are being overtaken by the growing concrete jungle.

As more people flood into cities and towns, there is an increase in interaction. I hope most of it is good, but the depths of these interactions vary immensely, and I have some ideas about taking an effective approach.

First, I think a definition of the “truth-default theory” is helpful. The truth-default theory is a communication theory that explains the use of conformity and the human ability to detect deception. People rely on visual, verbal, and sometimes physical senses to decipher interactions. People try to detect expressed emotion, listen for queues of tone in speech or noise, and either welcome or avoid certain physical touch. I didn’t know what the truth default was when I first read about it and I still think I could learn so much more about its application to so many forms of communication.

Upon further exploration, I found the inevitable “it depends” when I was asking myself how I would approach and talk to a stranger. But I am glad that I started asking these questions because it was fun to breakdown some of my recent interactions. I definitely see the good in most of my encounters with strangers; it is important to be understanding of conflict or confusion but it’s nearly impossible to know exactly what someone else was thinking, if they were thinking, or why they were thinking it.

So how should we interact with strangers? What is the most effective method? Unfortunately, there isn’t a magic formula. We can try to identify an intended outcome, do our best to guide the encounter, but I’d argue that it often feels like these interactions happen to us.

Talking with strangers happens to us in job interviews, in line at the grocery store, and sometimes after people honk back and forth at one another at a red light. One could even wake up someday and find themselves in a completely new scenario with a stranger feeling caught off guard and unprepared.

Below are 4 steps for managing any encounter with a stranger.

Step 1: slow down.

Slows things down or “slow the game down” was a common coaching queue for me as an athlete growing up. It is still a popular concept in athletics today. If a game feels like it is moving in slow motion, an athlete will feel the advantage of having more time to think or act.

Step 2: gather information.

Check your surroundings. Get a read on the emotions of the person you are interacting with. Engage in light, friendly conversation to ask questions about the stranger. Allow yourself to learn as much as possible in a short span of time.

Step 3: be friendly.

Show a genuine interest in the stranger. Even if you get in a fender bender, for example, show interest in their well-being. People tend to understand that safety matters more than car damage. Go into any situation with an open minded approach to treating others with respect and patience.

Step 4: practice.

Get reps in. Seek out strangers in safe environments. If you have a common friend with a stranger at a party, odds are you will feel more comfortable practicing your approach and interaction with them. Be patient with yourself, it takes time. It’s a great skill that is developed over time. Give yourself that time.

These methods are not always effective but are a great starting point. Finally, if they don’t work, I thought a quick word from Elvis Presley might help:

“When things go wrong, don’t go with them.”